I’ve sat down to write so many times over the last two weeks. I’ve typed a little and deleted a lot. I know without a doubt that the Lord has been calling me to focus on my writing, and yet every thought and idea just felt wrong. At one point I had to laugh (the only other option was cry) because two weeks of notes and ideas I had typed on my computer disappeared without a trace. It was obvious that lesson was what God was teaching ME, but not necessarily what he wanted me to share with you. 

I’ve made a lot of life changes over the last year of my life. My day-to-day looks absolutely nothing like it did 12 months ago. I was being pulled in so many directions, working, parenting, trying to do ministry. I was stretched so thin, and because of that I couldn’t do any of it well. Most people know I quit teaching and switched my kids to home-schooling this year, but another big change was that I quit coaching cheerleading. Cheer had been a big part of my life for almost 20 years, and I have truly loved the many girls I’ve coached. Over the last few days, I realized that season of my life is truly over, likely forever. To most it probably seems silly, but to anyone who has ever really loved a sport, you know that gut-wrenching pain of the end. 

Last Friday was senior night for the girls I coached the last two years. I was unable to go but had the pleasure of reading what some of the seniors said on Facebook to commemorate the event. Not a word about me, but BEAUTIFUL words about their current coaches and how they have pushed them in the sport and brought them closer to the Lord. It brought such a peace over me, to know that God had them and didn’t need me. I’m right where I belong.

Then Saturday evening, I had the honor of watching them compete at regionals. Their routine was incredible and brought tears to my eyes. I was so proud of them. And clearly the judges were impressed too because they won second place and are heading to the state competition for the first time in school history. I will very humbly admit I couldn’t have gotten them there. Being pulled in so many directions I was never able to be as dedicated as their two amazing coaches are now. Watching them make history on Saturday was humbling and so incredibly peace-giving.

On the drive home all I could do was praise God. Praise him for showing up for those girls in all the ways I couldn’t. And praise Him for this beautiful new season of life I am in now. My days really do look a lot different. Most of the time I am home with my kids, pouring into them, and looking for opportunities to pour into the people around me. I want to open my house (and my heart) and to share Jesus, and I know a big part of that is going to be writing, using my words.

But as I explained at the beginning of this post, the words just haven’t been coming lately. The word surrender has been circling around my mind like a penny in one of those big coin funnels you see at the mall. It’s been going round and round, and I’ve been waiting for it to drop. I thought I was going to be writing about surrender, but the reality is that I needed to fully surrender the direction of my writing to Him.

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve reached out to some friends who know and love me well and asked them “what do you think I am most passionate about?” I’ve received a lot of different answers, most true, all encouraging, and some of them brought me to tears, grateful tears as I sat in awe of their compliments. A lot of them were about walking in faith and raising my kids, which are two things I am extremely passionate about and could easily write a lot about. But neither felt like the ‘right’ answer; they just weren’t what I was looking for in terms of a focus for my writing, and every time I tried to write about them it seemed as if God was shouting ‘not it!’  In the end I realized I was surprised (and honestly saddened) at how few said the one word that matters to me most: Jesus.

A local preacher, known to be an incredibly wise and loving goofball, recently posted to his Facebook page, “Jesus!! That’s the answer. What was your question again?” and my husband immediately tagged me. About 5 years ago I was known for this. Jesus was my answer to everything. If I didn’t know the answer to a spiritual or biblical question, or we were discussing some divisive topic, I always brought it back to Jesus. It was a running joke that no matter what we were talking about my answer was going to be Jesus and the cross. I had a beautiful confidence in that.

One specific instance I remember was when I was leading Young Life in Cincinnati, and I had taken a few ‘rougher’ girls to fall weekend. I didn’t know them well at all beforehand, but within our conversations two things quickly became evident. One, they had a lot of church hurt, and two, they had been taught some things that really weren’t biblical. I was young and felt very ill-equipped to answer their questions or combat the lies they believed. I just remember over and over again telling them that we could look into those deeper topics, we could study them in the bible and try to find the truth, but that none of it mattered aside from Jesus. Literally nothing else matters if we don’t first focus on and KNOW Jesus and the cross.

If you ask me what frustrates me most in the world, what unsettles my heart and keeps me up at night, my answer is without-a-doubt the disunity of the church. One of my least favorite questions is ‘what church do you go to?’ Not because I don’t love my church, but because I wish that wasn’t a question. My deepest desire is for unity, and I can’t tell you how many times I wished there was ONE mega church for everyone in the area. That we could all come together, despite congregational differences, and worship Jesus as one church, his bride. Again, this evening my mind is going back to that innate answer of mine, none of the divisive congregational stuff matters, just Jesus. I am not saying we ignore those other topics and conversations, but that we instead focus on the essential: Jesus and what he did on the cross.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus. I’m supposed to write about Jesus. His miracles, his teachings, his life, and his death. Jesus is the thing I am most passionate about! One of my favorite parts about being involved with the ministry of Young Life was that we were constantly talking about JESUS! I want to get back to that, back to being ‘known’ for Jesus as my answer to everything. Nothing else matters if we aren’t rooted in Jesus and Him on the cross, and if we are rooted in and focused on Him, then everything else takes its rightful place in the hierarchy of eternal importance. Jesus is the one essential truth. Just Jesus.

P.S. Another thing I am really excited about is including a one page bible study to go with each of these posts! If you’re interested in receiving the PDF to go along with Just Jesus, drop your email in the box below!